Are you in the ‘sandwich generation’?
The sandwich generation is a term first coined by social worker Dorothy Miller in 1981. She was describing adult children who were “sandwiched” between their aging parents and their own maturing children.
Tag Archive for: Sharon Simpson
I’ll Take a New Lease on Life, Please
What if life were like a drive-through restaurant and we could order up a “new lease on life”? Would you be interested in ordering one for yourself this year?
I’m not sure where you go to order up a lease for happy, renewed energy in life, but I know that I’ve seen them here handed out here on our campus of care for seniors.
In general, elderly seniors are not expecting a new lease on life. Many of them have lived full and meaningful lives that feel “complete”. They have invested in people, in relationships, in travel, in adventure, in love, in ministry and careers. They have lived full and meaningful lives and may not feel like they need or deserve a new lease on life.
When hardship comes upon them in old age, it’s both expected and shocking. They’ve seen their friends and loved ones suffer from disease, from pain and loss. They know it’s “out there”, but when it comes home to them, it comes as a surprise and a challenge.
And yet, even in this surprising hardship there are stories of elderly seniors who are experiencing a new lease on life. This too, takes them by surprise as they see how God is giving them hope and joy. Sometimes, it’s a crisis that brings them into a new lease on life. Sometimes, it just “sneaks up on them”.
One senior came to live in the apartments at Menno Place because he was exhausted. He cared for his wife for many years and had run out of energy. After she passed away, he didn’t have the capacity to carry on by himself. He didn’t know how to cook and didn’t want to learn. All he wanted was to sit on his chair and watch the geese fly by, watch the sun rise and sit and watch the leaves turn red and fall from the trees. He needed to rest – and rest he did. It took two years for him to feel rested.
In his new home he formed new friendships, learned of others’ stories of care and grief. He felt supported by his new friends and joined a Bible Study. The chaplain asked him to lead the Bible Study from time to time and he did. He started to enjoy himself. He found a new rhythm.
Suddenly, one day, he had the thought, “this is a new lease on life”… a new era, a hopefulness that was unexpected after the dark days. He said this all with a smile of contentment. It had snuck up on him. He was surprised and satisfied with his new realization. He was experiencing a new lease on life.
Not everyone would expect that moving onto a campus of care could give a new lease on life, but it is a common experience for seniors. After struggling with increasing needs, they finally land in a place where their needs are met with dignity and kindness.
Caregivers can also find a new lease on life after their spouse passes away. For years, they devout themselves to their vow to love “in sickness”. Daily they serve and visit with a spouse who may no longer remember them, who may have incredible chronic pain or who is suffering the effects of debilitating illness. One day, their loved one breathes their last and sorrow is mixed with relief. The suffering is over.
Can a new life begin for that caregiver? Is it possible to find a new lease on life as a widow or widower?
I know from my many conversations with seniors that there is profound guilt at carrying on after a loved one has passed away. There can be a sense that their loved one didn’t “deserve” their hardships and a deep desire to transfer the pain to oneself. And yet, they could not take on the pain or suffering. Their love and support for their spouse is all that can be done. And when the spouse passes away, is there a possibility of a new lease on life?
On our campus, there are deep friendships among the widowers who have cared for ailing spouses. They share their stories, but they don’t need to. Sometimes one sentence is all that they need to connect. They understand each other’s lives. They have lived the same dedications, the same stresses, the same undying love. And now, these friendships with their depth of understanding are a gift – a new lease on life.
Jesus, in His kindness looks at His created people with compassion – the young and the old. He looks over the crowds and feels kindness and understanding. He sees that we are like sheep without a shepherd. He knows that we need His love and His guidance, no matter what our age. He knows that we need full and meaningful lives – He promises us to give us abundance in our lives, even more than we can dream of. (John 10)
And yet, those who spend their lives trusting in God for their hope and strength are often guided by Him through a “dark night of the soul”. This is a time where spiritual strength feels like spiritual weakness, where understanding of God and His ways is unclear, foggy or confusing. It is a time of sorrow mixed with joy – a time where God feels distant or even absent.
And out of this dark night of the soul, seniors testify to a new lease on spiritual life. It’s a slow renewal as God guides us through doubt and into faith. It’s a time when we rely on the community of believers to be strength for us when we can’t find it within. It’s a time of incredible awareness of our own weakness and need for others and for God. This is the testing of our faith (1 Peter 1:6-9). Through this comes perseverance and inexpressible joy. A spiritual new lease on life!
This joy… this is the abundance of life promised. Joy in suffering. Peace in confusion. Hope in hardship. Love and understanding from the community around us. It is difficult to thank these people or God for the support because words don’t convey a fraction of our hearts.
So, what is a new lease on life? Is it a feeling? Is it a circumstance? Is it both?
It’s a person or situation that makes someone happy or healthy or gives them new energy. A new lease on life doesn’t somehow magically balance the prior hardship to erase or dismiss the past. It doesn’t forget the journey and the suffering. A new lease on life is an injection of hope. It’s an injection of joy. It’s an injection of peace.
Perhaps the hardest part of embracing a new lease on life is recognizing that it can happen in ways that are unfamiliar to us, like moving onto a campus of care, receiving help from a homecare giver or even going through the “dark night of the soul”.
So, if life were like a drive-through restaurant and you could order up a “new lease on life” this year, would you do it?
Sharon Simpson is the Director, Communications and Stakeholder Engagement at Menno Place
Refuge for the Refugees
Refugees are all around me here at this seniors’ campus of care. They walk through the café with their coffees and bundles of bananas from our campus grocery…
Let’s Talk about Death and Dying
I have the very special opportunity to join a group of hosts on a new weekly public radio show that is solely centred around death, dying and loss.
Life’s Certainties
Benjamin Franklin is the one who said, “In this world, nothing can be certain except death and taxes.” This has not changed since he penned those words more than 200 years ago.
Should you go to see “Still Alice”?
Author: Sharon Simpson, Director of Communications and Stakeholder Engagement
If you are reading this, there is a significant chance that you are living your own version of “Still Alice” and have no need to view another’s journey with Alzheimer’s Disease. For those in the trenches, it may not be of any help or insight to see the progression of this debilitating disease. On the other hand, like me, you may be even more interested than the general public as you seek insight into this disease that is impacting your life. In 2004, 70,000 British Columbians were impacted by Alzheimer’s Disease and this number will grow to more than 110,000 by the end of this year – 2015*.
In the movie, Julianne Moore plays “Alice”, a professor who lives out the Alzheimer’s journey of initial symptoms, diagnosis, shock, tenacity and decline. Based on the book of the same title by Lisa Genova, “Still Alice” does not mean that Alice isn’t moving. “Still” in this case refers to the idea that throughout her decline, Alice remains the unique individual that she was prior to the disease taking its toll on her life. She is “still” a mother, “still” a friend, “still” a world-renowned professor, “still” able to contribute, “still” loved by her family and “still” valued.
Like the recent Robert Duvall movie “The Judge”, Still Alice forges into areas of loss and grief that are rarely depicted on the big screen. For those whose lives are dedicated to the compassionate care of those who suffer from dementia, these scenes are familiar. Unable to control their bodies, both of these films tackle what may be the final area of privacy left in our culture – incontinence. Tenderly addressing the embarrassment, anxiety and humiliation of incontinence, both movies share the power of respectful care at a time of incredible vulnerability.
It also tackles the difficult ethical issue of taking one’s own life to avoid the full extent of suffering. Alice advises herself (through a short movie) how to end her life once she can no longer remember basic elements of it. These scenes are heart-wrenching as the Alice who tries to end her life is no longer able to assess the implications of following the instructions she set out for herself. The movie does not set out to promote any viewpoint on this. Rather, it seeks to show the painful decisions and level of hopelessness that an individual suffers when living with this disease.
Still Alice moves an audience to enter into their own fears about their own possible diagnosis of dementia. It moves an audience to see the full breadth of the dementia experience. The viewer sees the loss, the grief and the hopelessness. We also walk alongside the family through a depth of support that transforms each individual touched by Alice’s progressive disease.
Still Alice is willing to tackle the tough issues of family dynamics – a husband whose day-to-day life must go on, a daughter who is faced with difficult genetic decisions for her children and another daughter who is reconciled to her mother through thoughtful, compassionate, initiating care. At one point, Alice tells her daughter that she knows they are fighting but can’t remember why. She asks if the daughter will forgive her so that they can move on. It’s an unexpected fresh start for the two of them.
Should you go to see Still Alice? The acting is authentic. The story is difficult. The heart is moved. If you are prepared to take an honest look at the journey of Alzheimer’s (more than you are already living), then you should go. Don’t forget to bring your kleenex. You’ll need it.
*Workforce Analysis, Health Sector Workforce Division, Ministry of health, Dementia (age 45+ years), March 24, 2004, Project 2014_010 PHC
Help! I need to buy grandma or grandpa a gift!
Most elderly seniors will say that they don’t need anything for Christmas – and yet, we want to get something for our elders that will remind them that they are loved and cherished…
Is it OK to long to go to heaven?
It’s February again and the calendar is telling us that it is time for you to celebrate the love of your life. Since the 15th century, Saint Valentine’s Day has been a day set aside as a day in which lovers show their love for each other.
Working among seniors, I have a front seat to witness “long-love” – marriages that have reached the 60 year anniversary milestone.
Treasures Received – Working with the Elderly
For the past several months, I have invited those who work or volunteer with the elderly to participate in video interviews about their experiences. I have been deeply touched by the grace and kindness of those I interviewed…
When We Need Each Other to Make it Through
One in five Canadians aged 45 and older are providing some form of care for seniors living with long-term health problems. A quarter of all family caregivers are seniors themselves; more than 200,000 are older than 75.
